A Face

A face is just a face. It consists of two eyes, a nose and a mouth. Who makes up the rules to attraction? Why is it that your beautiful eyes that tell a story should be critiqued by how far a part or how small they are? Why should you feel ashamed of your gorgeous nose, because really who cares if its a little larger then what you wished for? You certainly shouldn’t. Your lips don’t define how appealing you are. The thinness of your lips doesn’t decrease the use of them. Your face is just a face. How do we find someone’s face attractive yet we don’t find our own face good looking? When you look in the mirror you’re looking to find “flaws”. But when you look at someone else you don’t look for them. Its so sad that we are taught to believe we are ugly and it takes years to understand that our face is just genetics and skin cells. I’m still behind on this. You’re human. You’re amazing and your fabulous. You’re stunning. A face is just a face. You need to understand that society’s belief on what’s attractive is just a stupid standard.

Growing Up: The World Isn’t Out to Get You, Darling

The world owes you nothing. Do not blame the universe for your problems. Because sweetheart, the world simply has no time to mess with you. Your life is a struggle. Yes I know. But you see being angry at something that has no control over your life is a waste of time. You deserve to genuinely smile. You deserve to live a life with no regrets. Its a cruel place to live in, but it owes you nothing. 

We Are Humans:July

Your heart will flutter when you see them. You will smile and blush. You will get excited when they talk to you. You might buy clothes because it reminds you of them. You might search for them in a crowd of people. Even if they hurt you, rejected you or left you. You’ll ask yourself, “when does it stop?”. You’ll cry some nights. And other nights you’ll think about the memories and imagine what if things had worked out? But one day it’ll stop. One day looking at them won’t make the world seem less cruel. It won’t make you feel pathetic. And there is no cure to bring heartbroken, but time. It might take a year or a month. Who knows? But you’ll get over them. You’ll love someone else. You’ll be fine. You’ll find someone that’s worth everything you can give them. And yes sweetheart it will stop. It will make sense why it didn’t work out.

Thank You

Thank you to everyone who has commented and liked my posts.  And the bloggers that have followed me. When I first started this website, it was under the advice of a former best friend. I was an amateur at writing. I didn’t write what I felt. I wrote what I thought others would like. But its been three years, and I finally know what I’m writing about. The raw truth. Everything is temporary. Life is great but it’s also full of mishaps and regrets. I like writing about that. I am trying to recover from an eating disorder, though I keep failing. I know what failing is like. I know what its like to lose a friend or multiple friends because you’re not good enough. I don’t know what falling in love is. I’ve never experienced it. I know what rejection is like. I know what its like to watch your parents fight and not sleep on the same bed for the last 9 years. I know what its like to smile even though you’re going through hell. I know what its like to have a group of friends that care about you. I know what its like to hate yourself. And writing about it is exhilarating. But the fact that people read these posts make me want to keep going and updating my website. I don’t have like a thousand followers but I do have amazing ones. So thank you for reading my posts. I’m still a writer-in-training but aren’t we all? Thank you.

Things I Told Myself Because I Hated My Body

1. Don’t wear bright colors. Less attention to the body is better.
2. Don’t be too loud or you’ll be that “obnoxious fat girl” everyone hates.
3. Don’t say you’re beautiful. Have you seen your stomach?
4. Don’t eat too much in front of people, it’ll only make them laugh at you secretly.
5. Avoid tight spaces, you’ll end up getting stuck.
6. Don’t go for medium. Go for large. Always go for large. You don’t want to end up being that girl that returns her clothes cause its too tight.
7. No guy will like you because you’re ugly, so don’t think you have a chance.
8. Loath yourself. There’s nothing for you to like.
9. Don’t try on clothes with your friends. They will always look better. Or wear smaller clothes. They will always look good in things you can never pull off.
10. Look down. No one cares if you look down. Less attention is better.
11. You are not good enough and you won’t ever be good enough.
12. Don’t wear tight clothes. No one wants to see you in that.

You are beautiful. Don’t give yourself stupid rules like that. You’re worth so much.

I’m Trying I Really Am

Don’t tell a bulimic person that they need to alter their weight because they already think that.
Don’t tell a bulimic person that they look better with the weight off. It’ll make them want to vomit even more.
Don’t tell a bulimic person that people who starve or purge to be skinny are weak. Chances are they already believe that.
Don’t tell a bulimic person to eat, there’s a reason why they’re hesitant.
Don’t tell a bulimic person to try to not vomit it out. Its not like they can stop it. Its a disorder not a bad habit.
Don’t tell a bulimic person that they don’t look bulimic. Because a person with an eating disorder can vary in sizes.
Don’t tell a bulimic person that they are not trying hard enough. Their sore throat and the burning sensation in their esophagus can prove otherwise.
Don’t tell a bulimic person that they’re not enough, because they already think that.
Don’t ridicule a person with an eating disorder and say “I’ve never really cared about my weight”. Because they don’t vomit out they food to lose weight, they do it because they feel in control.
Don’t pity a bulimic person. They don’t need that. They need support. They need you to understand that you don’t know how it feels unless you’ve had the disorder yourself. That they can’t just get better. Or try harder. Its hard enough as it is.

We Are Humans: June

Sweetheart, your body is a forest. It can be damaged but will always manage to survive the harshest conditions. Your scars may not be beautiful to you. But they are a part of you. They may be from self-harm cuts to eczema. So be it. Your love handles are not appealing to you. But you still are capable to be amazing with them. And your friends may make fun of your small chest (or large ones). But here’s the thing, your body is special. It keeps going. It loves you so much that it works day and night to keep you alive. Isn’t it time to love it back? Wear short dresses even if you have scars on your legs. Because the  world is not your audience. You are. The people that matter loves you and sees you more than your scars. And maybe you feel like your body is bigger than the rest and it makes you ugly. No. That’s not true. I’ve went through enough of my eating disorder to tell you, that as long as you keep yourself healthy, your body’s size shouldn’t be worried about. You are stunning to the people that matter. Please don’t hate your body. Because darling, you are more than the flaws. You are fabulous.