Serenity is when life feels okay just for a moment. It’s when you dance with your friends to your favorite songs. It’s when you laugh non-stop until your stomach hurts with someone. It’s when you know exactly what you’re doing in math for at least a minute. It’s when your hands start shaking and you start getting nervous and he touches your hand and looks at you with worry. It’s when you pee after keeping it in painfully. It’s when you walk home and your favorite song starts playing. It’s when you read a good book. Its when you wake up and able to watch the sun rise. It’s when you look at your closet and find exactly what you want to wear. It’s when he smiles at you and you feel the stress slowly slipping away. It’s when you stay up late talking to your friend about the weirdest thing and you know she won’t judge you ever for it. Serenity is a need, don’t overwork yourself to the point where you think it’s impossible to slip in moments of bliss and happiness here and there.
What’s the point of knowing how to simplify a rational expression and then dividing it with another equation full of variables, when you don’t even know how to pick up the broken pieces of your life? We worry more about things we know then having an interest on the things we haven’t understood yet. Education is important, it makes you independent and strong, but the education system is fucked up in its own way. Full of teachers who find joy in failing their students, and the only time you are valuable is if you know your stuff better than anyone else. That’s when the teachers will carea about you. The question is, isn’t education about giving students knowledge so they can use it to make this world a better place. So instead of always looking for the “best” student, this system of teachers should learn how to find the students that are struggling and help them out. We all have different paces and different talents we just have to be guided to improve them. But apparently our modern school board doesn’t understand that concept. Maybe thats why there are so unemployed people, maybe that’s why we’re so caught up in “perfection” that we forget how to accept our flaws.
The heart is a vital organ that pumps blood throughout our body. It functions 24 hours a day and 7 days a week, yet when love hurts us we feel our heart break in a million different ways. A broken heart. About a billion songs have been written about love and how amazing and fulfilling it is, double the number and you’ll realize that is the amount of songs there are about how love is tragic. You are going through one of the biggest challenge life has thrown at you. You lost someone. This person may be your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, friend with benifits you accidentally started having feelings for, or just a simple crush. Nonetheless, they made your heart beat fast, made you smile when you thought you couldn’t be happy and made you feel frilly. But you can’t forget that they are the reason why you’re currently crying. I’m not going to tell you that this person isn’t worth your time, because I haven’t met this person. I don’t know about what type of memories you had with them. You clearly had some good ones for you to think about them constantly. During this time you will probably ask questions like, “what did I do wrong?”, “was it me?”, “am I not good enough?” and the worst ones out of all them start with a “what if”. The worst part is you can barely get a correct answer. Love isn’t like math or science, it all depends on how fate works it. It’s like everything you had is not leaving, and you can’t do anything but watch the person you love walk away. I understand that part of sadness. Some of us can get over heartbreaks in a jiffy and some of us take our time. And that’s completely okay. You can take six months or you can take two days. It’s okay that you think of them when you hear love songs and subconsciously smile to yourself, as long as you remember you should stop yourself. Don’t block out these feelings, because they will come crashing at you at a really bad time. Think about this person as much as you want. Slowly accept it that it didn’t work out. You have time on your hands to do this. There is no rush. Wear some sweat pants and a big tee, turn on some sappy movies and eat a lot of ice cream and tell yourself you deserve a crap day. Right now your heart is broken, but later on you’ll be strong enough to glue it back together and maybe you’ll end up liking someone else. Someone that can fix that glued up heart even more without even trying. Things don’t look good right now, but love is funny like that. It makes us feel happy yet it can make us completely depressed. But love is also really precious, so you’re lucky that you got to experience a fresh feeling like this. Soon you’ll come out stronger and more independant. You’ll be content and thank the person who left you broken, because they also left you to become a better you. Don’t lose hope. Feel the pain and you’ll leisurely get over it. Love is a mess but soon you’ll find your way around this weird awkward happy amazing feeling. You’ll be okay, I promise.
The One That Used to Have A Broken Heart
We all have those days where nothing goes right. We end up failing a math quiz we studied for, or maybe the one we fell in love with is being distant and avoiding you. The worst thing to do is to blame the world for your problems. Why? Because sweetheart this is your life and the more you blame it the more unhappy you will be. You’ll end up being angrier and angrier as life goes on and at one point you won’t even understand why. Now I’m not saying you don’t have the right to cry and be sad over problems because you have every right and privilege to cry over your issues. But what you don’t have the right to do is to complain how the world doesn’t see it your way. You are special and everything you need to be, there’s no need to be upset at everything around you. Don’t get mad at the birds chirping, or the sun setting. Life goes on and we need to catch up. Embrace yourself and love yourself. You are better then getting mad at the world around you.
One of the hardest things to do in life, is loving yourself and life. You don’t realize how wonderful your mind is (even the dark and dusty corners of it). You don’t realize how dazzling you are. See here’s the thing, life is one time deal, it’s too short for you to hate yourself. I may sound like I don’t understand the depth of hating yourself. But I get it. I know how it feels to wake up every day wishing you didn’t. I hate looking at the pills in the medicine cabinet and trying not to grab one of the bottles to overdose on. I know how it feels to make a list in your head thinking the many ways you are worthless. Life isn’t easy and sometimes fighting seems impossible. But every second you are given, we should cherish it. Many of us grow up being taught that if you don’t behave a certain way you are not to like yourself. We shouldn’t be taught to be perfect, we should be taught that imperfection is okay. Today, you are breathing and are going through another day but believe that things will get better. You are you and loving yourself is the only way you can be truly happy and trust me being truly happy is a lot better than thinking of a way to die.
You have this in the palm of your hand. Grasp it and don’t let it go. You are strong and capable of doing so many things your heart desires. You are loved and have the ability to love. You are a fighter, a runner, a swimmer and a breather. You are wanted and needed in the Earth. You are not alone no matter how lonely you are. You have every right to cry and break down. You also have every opportunity to get back up and keep living for yourself. You have time and space. You are brave and not weak. You are cared for. You are beautiful and eccentric. You cannot stop believing in yourself no matter how much you lose. Because at the end of the day, you will gain something. Maybe it’s more strength or maybe its more love. You will one day look in the mirror and not criticize every damn flaw. You will realize those flaws and mistakes is what makes you more amazing. You will be happy. You have this. At this second you may have nothing but thats every reason to keep trying and to keep living. You’ll love life one day and thank the world for keeping you on it. You are an imperfect mess, but it doesn’t matter because imperfection is what makes you who you are.
“Terrence is just a snobby brat that doesn’t know when to stop talking, he eats like pig and says mean thin-“
“Anything else Julie?”
Julie looked up and widened her eyes in surprise. The person she was badmouthing was right behind her. She smiled sheepishly and he flicked her head. She scowled and stuck out her tongue. He smirked and walked away.
“You guys act like a married couple” Julie’s friend said.
Julie shivered at that thought.
“Nah I’m not his type” Julie stated. She put her feet up on the desk and leaned in her chair. They were sitting in the classroom waiting for the next period’s teacher to come in. Julie and her friend Katie were sitting at their desks and talking about the cutest guys in the academy.
“I see Terrence going for a girl like..you”
Katie laughed, “Me?”
“Yeah! see he would go for gentle, pretty and sweet girls you know? That’s what you are.” Julie told her.
“And what about you?” Katie asked. She admired how hard Julie denied the fact that Terrence had a crush on her. Julie was oblivious.
“I’m not even considered a girl to him. He said that himself” Julie replied glumly. Katie laughed.
As class started, everyone went to their seats. Terrence’s seat was beside Julie’s seat. They were near the back, and Julie was beside the window. They were working on math, and Terrence could see Julie looking dumbfounded by the worksheet. He tried hard not to smile.
“What the hell do you want, Julie?” Terrence asked in frustration.
“Help…me” Julie screeched as if asking him for help would kill her social life.
“Because you were badmouthing me”
Julie pouted. Terrence ignored it. Julie sighed. He ignored it. Julie started throwing eraser bits at him. He ignored it.
“Julie and Terrence please sit out in the hall, you guys are disrespecting the aura of the class”
Terrence looked up and Julie looked dumbfounded at the teacher.
“What aura?” Julie asked.
The teacher glared at her. Terrence sighed and rolled his eyes at Julie. Julie stood up slowly.
“But teach, he didn’t do anything. I was the one who was…disrespecting your aura..whatever that means. Don’t punish him. I’ll take the leave” Julie defended.
As the events turned out, Julie did end up sitting out in the hall and Terrence was saved. He sighed since it felt like something was missing. He knew it wasn’t fair to let Julie defend him.
“I lose to her” Terrence muttered under his breath. He quickly asked the teacher to let him use the bathroom. Katie grinned as he walked by to get to the door. She knew the real reason why he was in a rush to go out.
Julie lay down on the hallway floor, she used her math textbook and worksheets as her head rest.
“I don’t get you”
Julie opened her eyes and looked at Terrence hovering over her. He was wearing the school uniform, his dress-shirt barely tucked in and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His straight black hair was covering a bit of his eyes. She wanted to brush it away but she just stayed where she was and made sure her skirt wasn’t riding up.
“Hmm?” Julie murmured.
“I don’t get you, why the hell did you take the blame?” Terrence asked as he plopped beside her feet.
“Because I was the one that ‘disrespected’ the ‘aura’ in the class, you were just trying to do work.” Julie explained.
Terrence shook his head and sighed.
“Well it made me look bad. I looked like someone who doesn’t know how to take the blame” Terrence told her.
“I almost almost almost thought you were asking cause you cared” Julie joked. Terrence stuck out his tongue. Julie kicked him. Terrence caught her foot and took off her shoe. Julie glared at him. She got up and tried to get her shoe, as she bent over to take it she pushed him. She didn’t know she’d lose balance and end up leaning on him. They both turned silent. The only thing Julie could hear was her heartbeat. Terrence looked into Julie’s eyes and she shied away. She slowly got up and brushed off her skirt as he sat up and fixed his shirt.
“Well you should go in goody two shoes, we wouldn’t want you to get in trouble..would we?”
Terrence sighed and flicked Julie’s head.
“Oh by the way, if you want me to study math with you I’ll be at the library after school” Terrence said as he walked away to get into class.
“Who would want to study with you?” Julie yelled back.
“Look who’s here”
Julie grudgingly sat down in front of Terrence in the corner of the academy’s library.
“I happen to have nothing to do and coincidentally have to do my math homework…also I have nowhere else to sit so I came here” Julie told him. Terrence nodded and leaned back in his chair. He crossed his arms and looked at her with a smirk. Julie scowled.
“Okay fine, I need help. Why the hell do you have to be better than me in everything and why do girls like you? You’re just rich, smart and good-looking-“
“You think I’m good looking?”
Julie glared at Terrence. Terrence shut his mouth.
“See? Why is it that I’m the only one that gets to see the bad side of you? The cocky, bored side of you?” Julie asked angrily. Terrence chuckled.
“I guess I can be myself around you” Terrence shrugged. Julie pursed her lips and glared at him even more.
Julie and Terrence knew each other since high school started. Julie was talking to Kate at her locker and Terrence was walking in the halls surrounded by girls. The academy was an elite school and was full of rich kids, but Julie was here on scholarship while Kate was the daughter of one of the most important businesses in the country. As Terrence walked by, Julie slipped and fell. The girls laughed at her and Terrence offered her help. Julie refused and glared at him. When they realized they had most of their classes together things weren’t any better. They always bickered, it seemed like the only person Terrence argued with was Julie. Julie always felt inferior to him when she realized she was always second compared to him. She wanted to know his secret and started following him out of school. After a month Terrence finally caught her.
“I’ve been noticing you for a while, what the hell do you want?” Terrence asked one day. They were in front of his condo apartment (which he lived alone in since it was paid by his father),
“You’re a loner” Julie answered.
“You’re a stalker”
“I don’t understand why I have to compete with you”
“What does that mean?” Terrence asked.
“I mean that you don’t live a teenager’s life. All you do is go home and study, this is all I’m competing with huh?” Julie explained.
“As much as I’d love your stench in front of my door can you leave?” Terrence told her. Julie shook her head and stood her ground.
“I’ve followed you for a month before going to my part-time job, you’re letting me go in and warm up. It’s cold outside” Julie stated. Terrence sighed and opened his apartment as Julie slipped in. She looked around and immediately started cleaning the mess.
“What the hell are you doing?” Terrence asked.
“Cleaning your mess, it’s bothering me.” Julie answered as she looked for a broom.
“My maid will just do it,”
Julie looked at him dumbfoundedly.
“YOU ARE A SPOILED BRAT” Julie yelled as she threw a shirt that was on the floor at him. Terrence caught it.
With that Julie hastily left.
“What are you looking at?” Julie asked from across the table. Terrence shook his head.
“Remember when you used to stalk me before you went to work?” Terrence mentioned. Julie blushed and stuck out her tongue.
“Your apartment was near my job so we just coincidentally took the same path..plus I wasn’t stalking, I was simply studying and figuring you out” Julie defended.
Terrence smirked. He looked at her brown hair, it was in a loose braid. Her grey eyes were looking up at him and he noticed her skin had a darker tan since she worked all the time.
“Julie its okay to admit you fell in love with me” Terrence joked.
“Terrence, no one in their right mind would fall in love with you” Julie retorted. Terrence flicked her head and she kicked him underneath the table. They spent the rest of the afternoon studying and arguing with each other.
“Will you marry me?”
Julie looked at Terrence kneeling on one knee, wearing his hospital gown, and his hair was a mess. It was a long night, Terrence was close to death as his driver crashed with a drunk driver that night, while he was going dinner with Julie. Julie ran out of the restaurant and took the nearest cab to the hospital. He was hooked up on wires and laid unconsciously on the hospital bed. (Of course he was in a highly elite room since he was rich). Julie was relieved he was still alive and stayed by his side all night. When he woke up and saw her sleeping in the hospital chair he looked at her brown hair and her olive skin. He remembered highschool with her when they were rivals. She was the smartest one there. After graduating and going to the same university Terrence and Julia finally realized their feelings for one another (with the help of Katie), soon they started dating during their last year. Terrence’s family unexpectedly welcomed Julie with open arms (his father knew her potential) and Julia’s mother thanked Terrence. Now she was a well-known science professor at one of the best universities. He was the owner of his dad’s business. Yet they needed each other. She was reckless, he was timid. Looking at her he know it was time to ask.
“Yes, I will marry you” Julie answered and hugged Terrence. He didn’t want to tell her he couldn’t breathe, and that his ribs were broken. With that love bloomed and they shared their first kiss as an engaged couple. Love comes in the most unexpected places and Julie proved that theory right. They hated each other and now they love each other.
I’m afraid to write about you, because I don’t want to lose you. I’ve fallen for your carefree smiles and amazed eyes. I’ve fallen for your confused frowns and loud laughs. I’ve fallen for the way you leave your headphone around your neck. I’ve fallen for the way you wear the bright Nike shoes (you have more pairs of shoes then I do). I’ve fallen for the funny stories you tell. I’ve fallen for the way you cover your mouth when you think you’ve laughed too much. I’ve fallen for your love of anime and basketball. I’ve fallen for the way you work so hard to move forward. I’ve fallen for your confidence and courage. I admire you and I still can’t grasp exactly why I like you.But I’m scared. I’m scared that one day I will regret writing about you. I hate how I selfishly want you so badly even though I know people like me tend to not have love play in their favor. I hate how you move towards me knowing I’ll stumble back. I’m afraid to write stories and poems about you because I’m a coward that really doesn’t want to be hurt again. But you make it so damn hard for me not to think about you at 2 am and not write about you.
We all have them. So don’t feel like the whole world’s weight is on you and you only. You’re a human being, capable of so many things. If you’re wasting your talents away all because you don’t feel good enough then you’re not doing the right thing. Don’t be afraid to take the oppurtunities life gives you, that you work so hard for, just because you feel worthless. You’re needed in this world. You’re to be loved and cared for. You have a purpose, a reason, a place. No matter what, never let yourself to just keep surviving, let yourself live the life you’re given. You own every second this world can give so use it for your happiness.
She saw the same girl on the subway platform every morning when she went to school. The girl had wavy dark brown hair and caramel-like skin. She always looked down or on her phone. Sometimes when they were in the subway she’d sit down and take a nap. Something was so off about her. Vivian couldn’t help but catch glimpses of her everyday. She was plain compared to the girl. Her black hair was always tied up and she was always wearing her school uniform. For a year, Vivian had been observing the girl. She tried not to be a creep but it wasn’t like she was following her. They just went to the same place at the same time. And then came that one day where things changed. Vivian was waiting at the platform listening to New York Dolls and trying to memorize the biology terms she was to be tested on. As she took her seat beside the window in the train, a girl with brown hair sa beside her. She looked to see who sat beside her and it was her. The girl she had looked at and romanticized about for a year. She was wearing a loose black cardigan and ripped jeans. Vivian gulped and tried not to melt in her seat. She felt her heartbeat rising and her palms were sweating. Being in the last year of high school she still had it hard to control her feelings.
“Seems like a stressful day today, huh?”
Vivian looked at her and nodded. Ah crap I responded too fast, Vivian thought.
The girl smiled.
“I’m Aurora, I’ve noticed we’ve been taking the same route at the same time for a year now..I guess I wanted to get to know you, but if you feel uncomfortable I can get up..”
“No” Vivian exclaimed. Her eyes widened and she felt hotness rising up in her cheeks. Aurora looked amused and tried to hold back a smirk.
“I mean I don’t mind really. I’ve noticed you too.” Vivian explained. She bit her tongue to keep her calm but it wasn’t working.
“Well that’s great, I’m guessing you go to the Hillcrest Private Academy?” Aurora asked.
Vivian sighed and nodded. Arora raised her eyebrows.
“It’s a snobby school, I only go there because of my parents really,” Vivian told Aurora. Vivian felt like she couldn’t control her words, if another person had asked she’d smile and nod but Vivian couldn’t hold back for Aurora. Aurora laughed.
“I always felt that vibe from that school. I go to the high school across the street, your school played against us in basketball they seemed like they were..”
“Disgusted at how public the school was?” Vivian completed the sentence. Aurora nodded and Vivian smiled.
As the train ride continued, Vivian and Aurora talked a lot about school. Aurora had a group of reliable friends and she was funny and not afraid to speak her mind. Aurora soon found out Vivian was quiet and didn’t belong anywhere in the academy because she was more into books and music then gossip.
“You’re a dork” Aurora joked.
“Am not, I just find books a lot better” Vivian justified. Aurora laughed.
It was time for them to leave the train and head to school.
As Vivian was exiting she tripped, before she could fall face flat Aurora caught her by the waist. They both froze at their position. The train left and they were standing on the platform, people were shuffling by but didn’t notice the two. Vivian started blushing.
“I’ll let go” Aurora whispered as she slid her hands down to her hips then to the tip of her uniform skirt.
Vivian coughed. She stood up. Aurora lingered her fingers at her waist for a while longer and then finally let go.
“Well we should head off to our ways then hmm?” Aurora said as she turned around to walk away. Her
Vivian was speechless. She wished it didn’t end.
“I’ll see you tomorrow” Vivian yelled. Aurora looked back and grinned.
“You can count on that”
Vivian was waiting at the subway platform in a light blue summer dress that flowed down to her knees.This made her loose black hair and pale skin stand out. She felt the train pass by and the breeze made her dress go up. Vivian sighed and tried to keep the skirt of the dress not fly up and reveal her hello kitty underwear. Just because she was twenty now, doesn’t mean she needed to stop wearing hello kitty.
“My, my is someone trying to hide her hello kitty undies?”
Vivian groaned and glared at Aurora. Aurora smirked and walked towards Vivian. She was wearing a tight black dress with heels. Her auburn hair (she dyed it) was tied back with a loose ponytail. Vivian sighed and knew she looked plain compared to her.
“You know they might not be hello kitty” Vivian argued.
“Vivi I know you wear those ones on Saturday, which is weird cause we all know we’re supposed to wear lace on Saturdays” Aurora replied.
“Lace is hard to take off when you need to go to the bathroom, and plus you never know maybe I changed it up” Vivian pointed out.
Aurora stepped in closer and whispered in her ear, “I’ve seen you enough times down there to know you wear hello kitty” as she put her arm around Vivian’s waist and pulled her in closer. Vivian blushed and scowled at Aurora. She leaned in closer to kiss her. A middle aged lady was holding hands with a small girl, as they walked by she looked at Vivian and Aurora with disgust. Aurora rolled her eyes and Vivian looked down.
“Damn those homophobes” Aurora cursed. Vivian shrugged.
“Guess they just need to learn that a girl liking a girl isn’t the end of the world” Vivian said. Aurora smiled. The train finally came and they stepped on.
“So why’d you call me down here Aurora?” Vivian asked. They walked to a place to sit.
“I wanted to take you somewhere” Aurora answered.
“What? Aurora is actually the one to make plans?” Vivian cried.
Aurora flicked Vivian’s forehead. Vivian rubbed her forehead and pouted her lips.
“Yeah. I decided I might as well make the plans once in a lifetime you know?”
Vivian nodded in astonishment. She thought of how it was two years ago. The two kept riding the train together and became good friends. At that point Vivian had to keep her feelings in, because she thought Aurora only saw her as a friend. But one day they decided to go to a Latin festival together (since Aurora was Latino) the summer they graduated. Night had fallen and Aurora finally confessed and stole Vivian’s first kiss. They went to different universities and jobs but they kept their relationship up to date. Vivian loved Aurora and had a lot of firsts with her. Aurora adored and cared for Vivian. She imagined her whole life with Vivian. It was as if life was dull until she finally took up the courage to talk to her that day before going to school.
“..So then he asked me to rethink the decision if I wanted to get married to a guy or not” Vivian told Aurora. Vivian had the wrath of two rich parents that were famous in the business field they thought liking girls was a part of a rebellious phase Vivian was going through. They couldn’t be more wrong. Now her dad was pressuring her to marry another man for a merger deal. Aurora groaned. “Can’t they get that you’re not a product, you’re a human being and just because they want to merge they can’t force you to have the consequence of it” Aurora retorted. Vivian sighed. Finally the stop came and Aurora took Vivian’s hand and they got off the train. She grabbed Vivian’s waist.
“We wouldn’t want you falling, now would we?” Aurora mocked. Vivian rolled her eyes. They kept walking and talking. As the sun was getting ready to set, Aurora walked Vivian to the lakeshore. They wer standing on the boardwalk. The summer breeze was perfect. Aurora took off her pumps. They sat at the edge of the boardwalk and Vivian started staring at the ducks.
“Looking at your kind?” Aurora asked. Vivian laughed.
“I was wondering why you resembled it so much” Vivian joked.
Aurora laughed and pushed Vivian gently. Vivian grabbed her hand and entwined her fingers with Aurora’s. She tugged on Aurora’s hand and it surprised her. Aurora leaned into Vivian. Vivian smiled and crashed her lips with hers. Aurora smirked against her lips. She bit Vivian’s lips and Vivian gasped. They let go. Vivian started blushing.
“I’m someone else when I’m with you” Vivian admitted.
“You’re Vivian when you’re with me” Aurora assured her.
“Your name mean’s life, I guess you’re the life of my soul”
“You’re so lame Aurora” Vivian said. They both laughed.
“Would it be crazy if I asked you to marry me?” Aurora asked as they settled down. Vivian smiled at the thought. Spending the rest of her life with Aurora would be amazing. Vivian had fallen for girls before but they all hurt her. Aurora made her feel something so different.
“No, I think I would love it to be quite honest” Vivian confessed. Aurora grinned.
“We could move in, finish our studies and travel the world. You can write books and I can own my mom’s restaurant” Aurora continued.
Vivian giggled. She knew it was Aurora’s dream to one day be able to own her mom’s restaurant and take care of it the way her mom did. They had an amazing mother-daughter relationship, sometimes Vivian envied it but most times she loved watching Aurora’s mom dote on her.
“Adopt a few kids,” Vivian mentioned. It looked to easy but Aurora felt like if she held Vivian’s hand and went through the challenges they might have a chance.
Aurora got up and went on one knee and took out a box of ring. The sun was setting and it was a beautiful night shade. Vivian widened her eyes and gasped.
“W-will you marry me?” Aurora asked.
Vivian looked at her in shock.
“This is kind of embarrassing can you answer me fast.”
Vivian laughed and started crying at the same time. She tackled Aurora and hugged her. She kissed her.
“I’m taking that as a yes by the way.” Aurora said. Vivian laughed.
“I love you so much”
“I love you more than that”