We all have different paces in life. Some of us walk, some of us run and some of us sit for a long time until the last second.There’s nothing wrong with the speed you go with. If it takes you a week to get over someone that doesn’t like you back, it doesn’t mean you didn’t like them enough it just means you just don’t want to linger somewhere you feel like you don’t belong. If it takes 5 years to forgive your father for never staying sober during your childhood, that’s okay. You’re not being dramatic at all. We were all born differently. Life was handed to us without a guide, and just because the way you deal with issues is different from the way the people in your life do it, you need to be okay with that. Your existence isn’t based on how fast you solve your problems, it’s based on how you solve them. No one should be ashamed for being slow or fast. You need to accept yourself. Life goes on, and we need to realize it’s okay to walk slowly and not pressure ourselves to keep up.
At nights like these our wildest thoughts come alive. We think about things that happened a year ago. We think about things that are so irrelevant in the present but were very significant in the past. We close our eyes and behind our eyelids we imagine the person we fell for smiling or laughing. We wonder about the future and the unknown. We look for answers to our endless questions. We feel tired but awake. We want to cry, or stand up and start a riot. We feel things creeping up our spine and have this urge to close our closet door fully. At night things are totally different. Worry and stress takes over and we can feel our inner demons coming out. We can’t sleep, we just toss and turn. And nights like these are just the worst. Sleep doesn’t consume us like it should, we just lay there hoping for the morning to come and to survive another dreary day. Nights like these we start losing hope. We don’t see the light through the darkness around us. Nights like these, getting our and going for a drive to nowhere seems appealing. Nights like these we feel helpless and its best to listen to some music and let our thinking flow. Its best to let ourselves cry, because even if you think its for a stupid reason, you’re still feeling real emotions. Its best to look at the stars and sigh. Its best to think about ourselves. To be selfish and wish someone could save us. But we know that by the morning we are able to save ourselves.
We do a lot to get over things. When we hear bad news we grieve and then slowly try to forget about the pain it caused us. We tell ourselves, that if we don’t stop feeling things like sadness then we are weak. We listen to sad music and drown ourselves in new shows. We eat comfort food and watch sunsets. But the worst thing is, we lie and tell the people we love that we are okay. That we are perfectly fine. We hide the fact that we cry every night. That we lost control of everything. At this point in life sweetheart, you aren’t okay. And its alright. Its okay to sulk when you see your dreams getting demolished and your hopes being crushed. Its not okay to keep it all in and put on a fake smile. You have every right to express that you are in a really bad stage in life and you want help. You don’t have to do this alone. Yes you’ll be fine and things will get better. But right now you’re sad and angry at the world. Your life’s a mess but hon you’re a fighter. You will realize that life’s short so there’s no point of faking your smiles for anyone. You will realize someone loves you and will always be there for you as stupid as it sounds. And you will realize you’re wonderful. And you may not be okay even after all that but the funny thing is, you’ll figure out a way to be okay with things falling apart.
There have been countless times where we just watch our world fall apart. Where stress gets to us and we just stop giving a fuck. They say time heals pain. But how long does it take? They say its not easy. But did they say it was supposed to be this hard? We’re always expected to hold ourselves together and be okay. But its alright to break down and cry. Its fine to stand in the sidelines and not play the game of life head on. Yes life goes on and you have to run to catch up. But even runners are allowed to take breaks. Grieve as long as you want. Cry and scream whenever you need to. Facing your feelings is not weak. It makes you strong on the long run. You have this in the palm of your hand. Inhale and exhale. You are not okay and its fine to admit it. Listen to sad songs and watch the movies that don’t fail to make you sob. We’ve been silent for too long. We’ve been blocking away our rightful feelings too many times. Its time to stop fighting it. And let ourselves be able to understand that we have the right to feel emotions and act upon them. If one can laugh when they’re happy then one can cry when they’re sad. You are tired and pissed off at the world. Well hon I won’t promise that you’ll feel better soon but I do promise you that if you stop faking your smiles and start facing your feelings, you’ll be able to endure the shit life throws at you. Love, no one can feel the way you feel when something happens, only you can.
As time passes by our lives change. I don’t think I’d ever be able to go through these changes in life without the people that helped me through it. This is a different type of post. Its dedicated to the people that loved me at my worst and still love me to this day. To the people who laugh with me until our stomachs hurt and hold my hand while I cry. We tend to take those who have been there for us, for granted. We forget to cherish them. But these people they deserved to be cherished and loved each second of their lives. They are amazing in their own way. They are strong and smart. They are special and it kills me that they can’t see it. The girl with the wavy brown hair can’t see that she’s a different type of smart. That she can make something out of nothing. That she lets people feel at ease with her. The girl with straight black hair doesn’t realize she’s reliable and full of potential. That she is beautiful and she’s good at so many things. That she’s strong enough to get through the hard times. The girl that has her own blog here with amazing poems and posts will never be able to know how much she has changed me and made me a better version of myself. The girl with the Tamil background and wears glasses, she can make anyone laugh for hours and I hate that she doesn’t understand that. She is intelligent and stunning. The guy with the nice combat boots struggles to understand that he’s a warrior and is one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. He inspires me. The girl with the dyed auburn hair doesn’t see that everything she says is interesting and that she is dazzling. The girl who moved to Brampton doesn’t know that she makes me smile with each message she sends me. That she can make a whole room of people smile and hope for a good day. The girl with the same pair of shoes as mine needs to know its okay to fall apart, the world is at her fingertips. The guy that can play the ukulele and has shaggy black hair, I never tell him but I’m glad he’s in my life. Friends like him are hard to find. The girl that goes to church every Sunday has helped me so much. My life would be a huge mess if she hadn’t always been there to calm me down. The boy that plays basketball and is oblivious to the fact that I like him, wouldn’t understand that him trusting me makes me feel at ease and yes maybe he likes someone else but I have to be there for him because he has been there for me. The girl who plays volleyball and wears Uggs even when its warm, needs to know I’m glad I met her in my life. That we are alike and I will always feel comfortable around her. That she can get where she wants to be in her life. The girl who draws anime and is obsessed with gorgeous men, I’m so glad I found her. She’s like a long lost sister. She is unable to realize that she is amazing and enviable. Throughout life we meet people that have the power to change us and make us see things differently. All of these people may leave me one day but the change they have done to me will never be forgotten. This is an appreciation post. I hope we all can cherish those that love us as much as we love them.
We are always trying really hard. A lot of the time its for other people. We want them to stay in our lives, so we try to exceed their expectations. We forget that being ourselves is perfectly fine, and there is no need to conform ourselves for someone else’s liking. If they were worth your time they’d love you even with your flaws. You shouldn’t be afraid to be who you are. You are a human being that has every right to express who they are. Life is short and living it for other people is just a waste of time. The less you care what people think the happier you are. At the end of the day you only have yourself and that’s why its important to rely on yourself and be someone you want to be.
At one point we all want to run away from our problems. We want to bury ourselves in our blankets and stay there for eternity. We want to yell and be angry. We want to scream at the top of our lungs. We want to stomp. Riot. Fight. We want to just do something. Something that’ll solve everything. Something that can make us happy. But the worst part is we don’t know what that something is. We don’t know what we want. Or what we’ re hoping for. We just stay in this place. This really dark place full of confusion. We can’t go forward and all we can think about is going backwards. We struggle to realize that the only person that can take us out of these places is ourselves. And what drives us crazy not is the fact that we have no clue on how to help ourselves. We think not telling our loved ones that our lives are falling a part day by day is the right thing to do. We think cutting and harming our body is the right thing to do. We think purging or having control in a harmful way is the right thing to do. But its not. Treating ourselves kindly and without harm is the best way to get out of this part in life. You’re angry? Well then treat yourself to some food and hang out with a friend you can always rant to. You’re sad and heartbroken? Its time to listen to sad music and watch romantic movies while you cry and cry. You’re stressed? Well its time for you to go on that spa date you always wanted to go on. Life is going to always put you through these moments where everything is bad and you have no clue what to do. Well darling you can fall apart and be at your worst. Yes time heals pain but we are the only ones that can truly heal ourselves.