We cried. No one heard us. We yelled. No one heard us. We kicked and punched. No one heard us. We hurt ourselves. No one heard us. That’s what we thought. We thought we were unheard and invisible. But we aren’t. When you’re going through a war in life our field of vision is very limited. We forget that we shouldn’t care if anyone cares about us or not. We should focus on loving ourselves and caring about ourselves more and more each day. Who knows you better then yourself? No one. So its best to not care if anyone gives a shit about you or not. You’re better off realizing your own worth. Of course you are loved but unless you see how amazing you are, that insecure feeling won’t go away hon. So go on and understand that at the end of the day you have yourself to love and care for.
One thing I learned in the past few days is that everyone deals with their pain in different ways. People like me, push the pain away until its unbearable and then regretfully explode when they can’t take it in anymore. Other people hide their pain and harm themselves to make it go away. And then there are people whom express their anger in art and poems. We all have different ways of dealing with life. But the most envious people are the ones that cry when they’re sad and laugh when they’re happy. They’re not afraid to face their emotions and don’t care if they look weak or not. They show us that you’re allowed to feel pain. And sorrow. You’re allowed to suffer. Its okay that you lost a lover three months ago and you’re still feeling shitty about it. Its okay to cry over the fact that you and your mom had a big fight and she said she’d rather have different children then you. Its okay to shut down because of a sucky mark. We always try so hard to find a way to be happy that we forget that the only way to be fine is if we face our sadness and anger. If we let it go. But we tend to just put on masks everyday to conceal our actual emotions. And from personal experience, you’re not doing anyone a favor by hiding how you actually feel. Especially not yourself. So sweetheart go cry and punch the wall. You’re allowed to. You deserve to be happy eventually.
My mind is a blur. My world is a mess. I answer all questions with an “I Don’t Know”. I don’t know why I’m crying at 7 am in the morning. I don’t know why I want to avoid everyone. I don’t know why I’m not daddy’s little girl anymore. I don’t know why the guy I like is being so cold towards me. I don’t know why I just want to bury myself in a hole. I don’t know why I kept hiding my problems until it was too much to handle. I don’t know why things changed so fast. I feel like the girl I was a year ago. Scared and stupid. But all I’m hoping for is, that I’ll be alright. That things will work out and I’ll be fine. Yes I’m tempted to end my life because everything sucks and I feel so worthless. But maybe just maybe things will get better. I’m hopelessly hoping and sometimes that’s all you can do.
Sometimes when your world is falling a part you can’t seem to see the blue sky and hear the chirping birds. Sometimes it feels so unfair that life is going on while you’re standing there watching your haven burn. A moment ago you were fine. You were okay. Things were calm and your world was working. But then all of a sudden, everything you once believed would work out looks impossible to continue. Maybe the person you love broke up with you, maybe you disappointed someone, maybe you lost something important. But all in all, you feel like shit. And you hate it. You hate it so much. You feel weak. You feel useless. But here’s the thing darling, sometimes all you can do when your world falls apart and breaks into pieces is just to watch. All you can do is stand there and cry. And then you wait until the war quiets down. You wait. You wait. You wait. Time heals pain. After you can pick up the shards of everything you’ve loved and believed in, and glue it back together. After you glue everything back together, things will be distorted and will never be the same. And it’ll keep happening until your perspective becomes unrecognizable. But the weird part is, it’ll be okay. Life will go on and birds will keep chirping. The people beside you will keep playing the classical music that annoys you every night. And you’ll be alright. I promise.
My dreams are mine. Your dreams and plans are yours. That’s the scary thing about your future, its in your hands. It is not in your parents’ hands and you will not let them take it away from you. It is only you that is allowed to choose your path. It is only you that is able to screw things up that regards your future. It is only you that can change your mind about your future. If you want to be a journalist while your parents insist on you being a doctor, they can become doctors themselves because you are going to become the best journalist in your city and maybe the country. You are the master. You are the person who decides their fate. Don’t let anyone ever take that away from you. You control your choices even if the consequences are uncontrollable. Cause darling you can die for those you love but you cannot live your life for them, you live it for yourself. You have every right to.
I cannot come home before sunset simply because I should be a proper girl.
My brother shouldn’t get in trouble by his teacher if he wants to wear lipstick to school.
The coach shouldn’t favor the boy’s basketball team over the girl’s team by giving them more practice time and advice.
My friend shouldn’t be judged for not asking out the girl he likes first.
The girl that sits beside me shouldn’t think twice before calling another girl pretty because they might think she’s in love with them.
The cute guy shouldn’t lose a bunch of friends that are female simply because he’s gay.
My friend shouldn’t be forced to clean the house while her brothers sit on their ass and do nothing to contribute to helping with daily life.
My neighbor’s boyfriend shouldn’t be expected to always pay for everything just because he’s a guy.
The teacher shouldn’t care what her student’s sexual orientation is.
My mom shouldn’t tell me that in order to be a good wife I have to be quiet and know how to cook.
The boy that lives two floors above me, shouldn’t act like an asshole so no one calls him a “pansy”.
The parents behind me in the bus shouldn’t tell their son things like “get a girlfriend”, he’s only 4 years old and chances are he might not be straight, and creating standards at such a young age will make him feel ashamed for being gay.
The man in the news shouldn’t be forgiven for raping a guy. No matter who you rape, rape is not right in any way.
Calling someone gay or a girl shouldn’t be an insult.
The boy that passes by my locker everyday shouldn’t be high fived for cheating on his girlfriend.
The girl that got rejected by her crush, shouldn’t be called “clingy” when she still goes for them.
I cannot be passive when my dad says that there are only a few things I can be in life because I’m a girl.
I cannot be passive when I see inequality everywhere.
Being a different gender shouldn’t make you have undesirable standards. Having a different sexual orientation shouldn’t make you feel insecure.
When society gives you such stupid expectations to succeed, point up your middle finger and say, “fuck it”. Because life’s too short to care about what society thinks of you.
Yes, we were angry at the world. We were angry because every time we screwed up it was all our fault. We were angry that all of our questions were unanswered. We thought everything was against us. We thought the universe wanted us to be miserable and pathetic. But what we didn’t know was, that the world could care less about us. That we are very insignificant, and blaming the world for our problems wasn’t going to solve anything. We were dumb, hurt and pissed off. But at what? who? We didn’t know, so we just told the world to fuck off and leave us alone. But the thing is, doing that doesn’t effect anything. It doesn’t solve our problems and it certainly doesn’t offend the universe. Two years ago, it was us against the world, but I’ve grown up to see it’s us facing the world together. We aren’t going anywhere by being angry and annoyed with the way the world sways. You know you’ve matured when you aren’t angry at the world anymore, you’re just coexisting within it.