Afraid to Write About You

I’m afraid to write about you, because I don’t want to lose you. I’ve fallen for your carefree smiles and amazed eyes. I’ve fallen for your confused frowns and loud laughs. I’ve fallen for the way you leave your headphone around your neck. I’ve fallen for the way you wear the bright Nike shoes (you have more pairs of shoes then I do). I’ve fallen for the funny stories you tell. I’ve fallen for the way you cover your mouth when you think you’ve laughed too much. I’ve fallen for your love of anime and basketball. I’ve fallen for the way you work so hard to move forward. I’ve fallen for your confidence and courage. I admire you and I still can’t grasp exactly why I like you.But I’m scared. I’m scared that one day I will regret writing about you. I hate how I selfishly want you so badly even though I know people like me tend to not have love play in their favor. I hate how you move towards me knowing I’ll stumble back. I’m afraid to write stories and poems about you because I’m a coward that really doesn’t want to be hurt again. But you make it so damn hard for me not to think about you at 2 am and not write about you.

1:41 AM Thoughts

Insecurities?
We all have them. So don’t feel like the whole world’s weight is on you and you only. You’re a human being, capable of so many things. If you’re wasting your talents away all because you don’t feel good enough then you’re not doing the right thing. Don’t be afraid to take the oppurtunities life gives you, that you work so hard for, just because you feel worthless. You’re needed in this world. You’re to be loved and cared for. You have a purpose, a reason, a place. No matter what, never let yourself to just keep surviving, let yourself live the life you’re given. You own every second this world can give so use it for your happiness.

Looking At You

She saw the same girl on the subway platform every morning when she went to school. The girl had wavy dark brown hair and caramel-like skin. She always looked down or on her phone. Sometimes when they were in the subway she’d sit down and take a nap. Something was so off about her. Vivian couldn’t help but catch glimpses of her everyday. She was plain compared to the girl. Her black hair was always tied up and she was always wearing her school uniform. For a year, Vivian had been observing the girl. She tried not to be a creep but it wasn’t like she was following her. They just went to the same place at the same time. And then came that one day where things changed. Vivian was waiting at the platform listening to New York Dolls and trying to memorize the biology terms she was to be tested on. As she took her seat beside the window in the train, a girl with brown hair sa beside her. She looked to see who sat beside her and it was her. The girl she had looked at and romanticized about for a year. She was wearing a loose black cardigan and ripped jeans. Vivian gulped and tried not to melt in her seat. She felt her heartbeat rising and her palms were sweating. Being in the last year of high school she still had it hard to control her feelings.
“Seems like a stressful day today, huh?”
Vivian looked at her and nodded. Ah crap I responded too fast, Vivian thought.
The girl smiled.
“I’m Aurora, I’ve noticed we’ve been taking the same route at the same time for a year now..I guess I wanted to get to know you, but if you feel uncomfortable I can get up..”
“No” Vivian exclaimed. Her eyes widened and she felt hotness rising up in her cheeks. Aurora looked amused and tried to hold back a smirk.
“I mean I don’t mind really. I’ve noticed you too.” Vivian explained. She bit her tongue to keep her calm but it wasn’t working.
“Well that’s great, I’m guessing you go to the Hillcrest Private Academy?” Aurora asked.
Vivian sighed and nodded. Arora raised her eyebrows.
“It’s a snobby school, I only go there because of my parents really,” Vivian told Aurora. Vivian felt like she couldn’t control her words, if another person had asked she’d smile and nod but Vivian couldn’t hold back for Aurora. Aurora laughed.
“I always felt that vibe from that school. I go to the high school across the street, your school played against us in basketball they seemed like they were..”
“Disgusted at how public the school was?” Vivian completed the sentence. Aurora nodded and Vivian smiled.
As the train ride continued, Vivian and Aurora talked a lot about school. Aurora had a group of reliable friends and she was funny and not afraid to speak her mind. Aurora soon found out Vivian was quiet and didn’t belong anywhere in the academy because she was more into books and music then gossip.
“You’re a dork” Aurora joked.
“Am not, I just find books a lot better” Vivian justified. Aurora laughed.
It was time for them to leave the train and head to school.
As Vivian was exiting she tripped, before she could fall face flat Aurora caught her by the waist. They both froze at their position. The train left and they were standing on the platform, people were shuffling by but didn’t notice the two. Vivian started blushing.
“I’ll let go” Aurora whispered as she slid her hands down to her hips then to the tip of her uniform skirt.
Vivian coughed. She stood up. Aurora lingered her fingers at her waist for a while longer and then finally let go.
“Well we should head off to our ways then hmm?” Aurora said as she turned around to walk away. Her
Vivian was speechless. She wished it didn’t end.
“I’ll see you tomorrow” Vivian yelled. Aurora looked back and grinned.
“You can count on that”

Vivian was waiting at the subway platform in a light blue summer dress that flowed down to her knees.This made her loose black hair and pale skin stand out. She felt the train pass by and the breeze made her dress go up. Vivian sighed and tried to keep the skirt of the dress not fly up and reveal her hello kitty underwear. Just because she was twenty now, doesn’t mean she needed to stop wearing hello kitty.
“My, my is someone trying to hide her hello kitty undies?”
Vivian groaned and glared at Aurora. Aurora smirked and walked towards Vivian. She was wearing a tight black dress with heels. Her auburn hair (she dyed it) was tied back with a loose ponytail. Vivian sighed and knew she looked plain compared to her.
“You know they might not be hello kitty” Vivian argued.
“Vivi I know you wear those ones on Saturday, which is weird cause we all know we’re supposed to wear lace on Saturdays” Aurora replied.
“Lace is hard to take off when you need to go to the bathroom, and plus you never know maybe I changed it up” Vivian pointed out.
Aurora stepped in closer and whispered in her ear, “I’ve seen you enough times down there to know you wear hello kitty” as she put her arm around Vivian’s waist and pulled her in closer. Vivian blushed and scowled at Aurora. She leaned in closer to kiss her. A middle aged lady was holding hands with a small girl, as they walked by she looked at Vivian and Aurora with disgust. Aurora rolled her eyes and Vivian looked down.
“Damn those homophobes” Aurora cursed. Vivian shrugged.
“Guess they just need to learn that a girl liking a girl isn’t the end of the world” Vivian said. Aurora smiled. The train finally came and they stepped on.
“So why’d you call me down here Aurora?” Vivian asked. They walked to a place to sit.
“I wanted to take you somewhere” Aurora answered.
“What? Aurora is actually the one to make plans?” Vivian cried.
Aurora flicked Vivian’s forehead. Vivian rubbed her forehead and pouted her lips.
“Yeah. I decided I might as well make the plans once in a lifetime you know?”
Vivian nodded in astonishment. She thought of how it was two years ago. The two kept riding the train together and became good friends. At that point Vivian had to keep her feelings in, because she thought Aurora only saw her as a friend. But one day they decided to go to a Latin festival together (since Aurora was Latino) the summer they graduated. Night had fallen and Aurora finally confessed and stole Vivian’s first kiss. They went to different universities and jobs but they kept their relationship up to date. Vivian loved Aurora and had a lot of firsts with her. Aurora adored and cared for Vivian. She imagined her whole life with Vivian. It was as if life was dull until she finally took up the courage to talk to her that day before going to school.
“..So then he asked me to rethink the decision if I wanted to get married to a guy or not” Vivian told Aurora. Vivian had the wrath of two rich parents that were famous in the business field they thought liking girls was a part of a rebellious phase Vivian was going through. They couldn’t be more wrong. Now her dad was pressuring her to marry another man for a merger deal. Aurora groaned. “Can’t they get that you’re not a product, you’re a human being and just because they want to merge they can’t force you to have the consequence of it” Aurora retorted. Vivian sighed. Finally the stop came and Aurora took Vivian’s hand and they got off the train. She grabbed Vivian’s waist.
“We wouldn’t want you falling, now would we?” Aurora mocked. Vivian rolled her eyes. They kept walking and talking. As the sun was getting ready to set, Aurora walked Vivian to the lakeshore. They wer standing on the boardwalk. The summer breeze was perfect. Aurora took off her pumps. They sat at the edge of the boardwalk and Vivian started staring at the ducks.
“Looking at your kind?” Aurora asked. Vivian laughed.
“I was wondering why you resembled it so much” Vivian joked.
Aurora laughed and pushed Vivian gently. Vivian grabbed her hand and entwined her fingers with Aurora’s. She tugged on Aurora’s hand and it surprised her. Aurora leaned into Vivian. Vivian smiled and crashed her lips with hers. Aurora smirked against her lips. She bit Vivian’s lips and Vivian gasped. They let go. Vivian started blushing.
“I’m someone else when I’m with you” Vivian admitted.
“You’re Vivian when you’re with me” Aurora assured her.
“Your name mean’s life, I guess you’re the life of my soul”
“You’re so lame Aurora” Vivian said. They both laughed.
“Would it be crazy if I asked you to marry me?” Aurora asked as they settled down. Vivian smiled at the thought. Spending the rest of her life with Aurora would be amazing. Vivian had fallen for girls before but they all hurt her. Aurora made her feel something so different.
“No, I think I would love it to be quite honest” Vivian confessed. Aurora grinned.
“We could move in, finish our studies and travel the world. You can write books and I can own my mom’s restaurant” Aurora continued.
Vivian giggled. She knew it was Aurora’s dream to one day be able to own her mom’s restaurant and take care of it the way her mom did. They had an amazing mother-daughter relationship, sometimes Vivian envied it but most times she loved watching Aurora’s mom dote on her.
“Adopt a few kids,” Vivian mentioned. It looked to easy but Aurora felt like if she held Vivian’s hand and went through the challenges they might have a chance.
Aurora got up and went on one knee and took out a box of ring. The sun was setting and it was a beautiful night shade. Vivian widened her eyes and gasped.
“W-will you marry me?” Aurora asked.
Vivian looked at her in shock.
“This is kind of embarrassing can you answer me fast.”
Vivian laughed and started crying at the same time. She tackled Aurora and hugged her. She kissed her.
“I’m taking that as a yes by the way.” Aurora said. Vivian laughed.
“I love you so much”
“I love you more than that”

-End-

I am not who I Thought I was

A year ago, I was going through this horrible transition in life. Now that I think about it, I was just having a bunch of bad days all in one bundle. I thought I was weak, alone, and a burden to those around me. I felt like I wasn’t needed in this world and I was never wanted. I was just some irritable and hormonal teenager that didn’t know how to deal with the things happening around her. My life was going downhill. It was like I had no will to live but I kept waking up for some reason. I had this small amount of hope (really, really small). I deleted my Instagram and Twitter and threw away my phone. At the same time my sister was going through this really bad phase. She lost something that meant the world to her, that she worked her whole life for, in a matter of two days she lost it. She was suicidal back then, she cried every night. My sister was the warrior in our family, she always had a straight face when bad things came our way and she always had everything her way. Which is why when I saw her fall and not even try to get back up I was scared. I realized she needed someone more than I wanted to die. So I held her. I listened to her and tried my best to give her hope. Life changes, sometimes slowly and sometimes drastically. I changed. I started hoping for my sister. I started living because I was her wall she needed to lean on and I needed to be stronger. Today, my sister finally picked herself up and is now starting a new dream and living life on her own terms. Today, I don’t look at the scissor and have the urge to cut myself. I’ve learnt to accept myself and my mistakes. There are days I hate myself to the point where I don’t talk to anyone. But I know I have to keep being optimistic. I’m actually pretty weak but I can at least say I’m not weak as I thought I was. Life is going to keep changing, it’ll keep giving us challenges and different solutions, it’ll keep giving us opportunities and take it away right before you touch it, it’ll keep giving us happiness with a consequence on the side. Live it to the fullest because living with demons inside of your head will only make you sadder. Live to be happy, live to be who you wanted to be when you were five years old.

Blissful

Nothing is more bliss than losing care of the world and forgetting the bad things in life. There’s nothing better than standing in the rain and feeling the drops of water on your skin. There’s nothing better than drinking tea and watching season after season of a good t.v show. There’s nothing better than sitting on a grassy field and looking at the stars. There’s nothing better than laughing with the person you love. There’s nothing better than sitting in the library alone and reading a book. There’s nothing better then going on a run with your favorite music on. There’s nothing better than holding hands with that special someone. In life, there are so many things you can do. It’s okay to not be okay, but don’t let that sadness define you. Don’t burden yourself with your issues, talk about it with someone and you’ll find someone that will listen. It’s okay to scream and cry but don’t blame the world for your problems, because the world has enough problems of its own. Live. Laugh. Grow. It’s life, we’re all dying in the end so make it worthwhile.

A Playdate

He didn’t know how to take care of the crying girl in front of him. He offered the little girl candy she cried even more. He sat on the floor of his living room staring at her. Contemplating what to do. She was angry and sad. Nathan always wanted to have a little sister or brother when we was younger. He was then offered to take care of his aunt’s daughter. Of course when he was asked he said yes and was excited to take care of her. But then it turned out, she hated him the first time she looked at him. She was wearing a pink frilly dress and her dark brown hair were tied up in two braids. She was pale and chubby. She resembled him a lot when he was younger.
“Alifiya, please stop crying” Nathan begged. Alifiya looked at him and stopped. For two seconds. She went back to crying. He checked his phone. There was only one person that could actually help him and he knew who it was.

She was coming out of the her shower and heard a girl sniffling and her mom trying to soothe her. It was probably another sudden babysitting task her mom was asked to do. Lydia and her mom lived alone. Her mom had loved children and was an Early Childhood Educator and during her spare time she took care of kids. Lydia loved kids herself. They all had different views on life and that’s what made it more interesting. While Lydia was humming to herself and dried her hair with the towel, she walked in the living room to see who the little girl was. She didn’t expect Nathan Amari to be sitting there. She looked at her outfit and blushed because she was wearing a big t-shirt and sweatpants. Her auburn hair was wet and she had no make-up on.
“Lydia?”
Lydia looked at her mother who was carrying an adorable little girl. She was around the age of three and had the cutest dress on. She looked like she just stopped crying and started playing with a toy her mom gave her.
“Hmm?”
“So this young man came here looking for you, he had a crying girl behind her and he looked like he was about to die” Her mother said sweetly. Lydia rolled her eyes, she knew her mother was shocked to see Lydia had a friend and was excited that it was a guy. She looked at Nathan and put her hands on her hips. Nathan stood up. His dark brown hair was in a mess, he was wearing a cardigan and jeans. She noticed his pale skin and the girl’s skin was similar.
“So..I got babysitting duty and I realized why I never got a brother or sister when I asked for one” Nathan explained. Lydia stared at him. She started laughing.
“Why didn’t you just call?” Lydia asked.
“I didn’t really think of that, I just asked Julie for your address and kind of just came here” Nathan told her, while scratching the back of his head. Lydia sighed and shook her head. If only he knew, Lydia had liked him and wanted to jump for joy that Nathan was at her home. She looked at the girl and walked to her. Her mother smiled and handed the girl to her as Lydia sat on the couch.
“So Nathan is it? Well I’m glad you came to Lydia, she loved kids maybe because she’s one herself. You seem like a sweet man, and not alot of boys introduce themselves the way you did.” Lydia’s mom accounted.
Lydia raised her eyebrows at her mom. Lydia’s mom giggled and stood up.
“Lydia? I have to go run some Saturday errands so I’ll leave you two alone.” Lydia’s mom yelled out while she left the living room. Everyone was quiet as her mom closed the door. They lived in a nice apartment on a quiet street. Lydia knew her mother left because she wanted them to be alone.
“I don’t get why she’s not crying anymore” Nathan whispered, as if he spoke any louder the girl might cry again. Lydia smiled and looked down at the girl, she was looking up at her curiously.
“What’s your name sweetheart?” Lydia asked.
“Aleefah” the girl responded.
“That’s a pretty name, but I think it more like Alifiya right?”
The pretty girl nodded and grinned. Lydia grinned along side with her.
“My name is Lydia, it’s kind of like Libya but with a D”
“L-id-i-a”
Lydia nodded. She looked at Nathan and smirked.
“I have skills yo,” Lydia remarked. Nathan rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“When was the last time she ate?” Lydia questioned.
“when my momma woke me up” Alifiya answered. “I think when the small hand was at nine and the big hand was at 6, so I think 6:09″ Alifiya continued. Nathan started laughing. Lydia tried to keep her’s in. Alifiya glared at Nathan, expressing her hatred towards him. Lydia smiled at that. She checked the time, it was 2 p.m, almost five hours since she ate.
“You didn’t feed her Nathan?” Lydia yelled. Nathan covered his face in his hands.
“I forgot about that”
“HOW?”
“Because she kept crying”
Lydia sighed loudly and stood up with the girl in her arms. She took the back of Nathan’s t-shirt and dragged him with her.
They all came in the kitchen and Lydia shoved Nathan in a seat at the breakfast table and sat Alifiya on the kitchen counter.
“Why don’t I make some noodles for you, hmm?”
Alifiya shook her head intensely.
“I want chocolate”
“I want chocolate too, but I don’t have any now…Let’s eat the noodles first and then go out and buy some?” Lydia questioned.
“Why?”
Lydia looked at Nathan, who was staring at both of them. He smiled sheepishly. She stuck out her tongue.
“Don’t you want to grow up to be tall like him?” Lydia asked, while pointing to Nathan. Nathan was known to be the tallest guy in the eleventh grade and Lydia was always made fun of for being short. Alifiya looked at Nathan and cried, “NO”. Lydia smirked at Nathan’s hurt face and told Alifiya, “see? that’s why we should eat noodles with some veggies so we don’t become like him,”. Alifiya looked determined and nodded. Lydia smiled. She told them to wait for a few moments while she went to her room to fetch some things. She took some crayons and paper out and went back to the kitchen.
“Alifya, why don’t you draw me a special picture while I cook?”
“But I don’t want to sit with him” Alifiya stated. Nathan felt like he was stabbed at least 600 times today, and sighed. Lydia giggled. Nathan watched her cover her mouth and laugh. Her hair was covering her tan face and her eyes lit up. It was better then that bored expression she always had at school.
Lydia took Alifiya off the counter and sat her on the wooden table.
“It’s okay Alifiya, Nathan will help me cook and I won’t let him bother you” Lydia promised as she grabbed Nathan’s elbow and dragged him to the kitchen.
“I wasn’t even bothering her..” Nathan muttered.
“YEAH YOU WERE” Alifiya yelled.
Nathan sighed and looked at Lydia for help. She put her arms up in a surrendering motion and grinned. Nathan shook his head.
“So do you know how to cut some carrots?” Lydia asked.
“I don’t like carrots, Lydia”
Lydia smirked to see that both of them said it at the same time. Nathan and Alifiya looked at each other and scowled.
“No carrots it is…what about some green pepper?”
They both nodded and scowled again when they saw each other.  Lydia smiled to herself, Alifiya started drawing.
“I thought kids were easier to handle” Nathan said as he was handed a pepper and knife. He started slicing them. Lydia raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms after she started boiling the noodles.
“What?” Nathan questioned.
“Why the hell are you cutting it like that? That’s not how you do it.” Lydia snapped.
“Then how?” Nathan asked with irritation. He looked at her and realized the close distance. He never had been this close to her, at school they were in different groups. He was into basketball and she was into english and literature. Since she had to tutor him in English, they became friends. They always talked when they saw each other and sometimes she came to his games to cheer him on. She was strange. She always had her head in the clouds and barely talked to anyone. When she did, she had a genuine smile and was really funny. Nathan always wanted to hold her hand and kiss her, but these were things he was too much of a coward to do.
Lydia moved closer towards him, and tied her hair in a messy bun. She took the knife and urged him to move. He stepped to the side and watched her slice the peppers. Her hands were so small and it barely went around the handle. He smiled at that. She looked at him.
“See?”
Nathan acted like he paid attention and nodded. Lydia rolled her eyes and kept slicing it. Without thinking, Nathan went behind her and held the knife with her. She felt him hovering over her and tried not to look up or anywhere but at the peppers. She gulped.
“So like this?” Nathan whispered as he sliced the pepper with her. Lydia nodded without saying anything. She kept her breath and heldt tightly on the knife. Their hands were touching and she could feel his breath on her neck. His lips grazed her neck and she blushed and her heart beat really fast. Her knees got weak. Before she could look back and see if what she felt was real, Alifiya came running to her, “Loooook at my drawing” she cried. Nathan let go quickly and stepped aside. Alifiya ignored the awkward stance and held on to the drawing. Lydia smiled and took the drawing, her hands were still shaking.

After lunch, which was filled with snide remarks from Alifiya and words of defence from Nathan. Lydia forced them out of the house for a walk. She packed her backpack with a picnic blanket and some sandwiches. She was having a good time and couldn’t stop thinking about the incident that happened earlier. Lydia told them to wait at the front door for her, by the time she arrived she watched Alifiya throw her shoe at Nathan. Nathan didn’t expect it so he didn’t duck, and got hit in the head.
“What the hell Alifiya?”
“You laughed at me”
“because you fell”
Lydia stepped in between them.
“You know what? you two need to get along, hold hands” Lydia demanded.
Nathan looked down at the little girl and she looked up at him. They scowled and looked away.
“Hold hands” Lydia repeated with her arms crossed.
“I thought you liked me” they both cried. As they realized they said the same thing they scowled again.
“I was going to take you guys to the park and play but now I’m not doing that unless you hold hands and get along” Lydia stated. She made up her mind and the two looked at her dumbfoundedly. Finally Nathan held out his hand and Alifiya reluctantly took it.
“I’m not going to do this, but if you hold my hand I will” Alifiya said.
Lydia grinned and held her other hand. They left the building, holding hands. As they approached the park Alifiya ran straight to the slides. Lydia let go and decided to chase her. As they played together, Nathan was watching. Soon Lydia took Nathan’s hand and they all started playing in the play ground. Lydia couldn’t stop laughing, when Nathan and Alifiya caught Lydia and started tickling her. Soon Lydia grabbed Alifiya and ran away from Nathan, who decided to be Alifiya’s prince in shining armor and chase after Lydia. After what seemed like hours, they ate sandwiches on their picnic blanket under the tree. The evening wind was strolling in, and the sun was ready to set. The people that were at the park were beginning to relax and some were leaving.

Nathan walked back to the the two girls. He decided to go to the convenience store across the street and get some drinks. As he approached them he realized they fell asleep. Lydia’s arm was draped over Alifiya, who was on her back and her legs and arms were spread apart like a star. Nathan chuckled. He sat beside them and took a sip from his water. He looked at Lydia and smiled. Her hair was tied back and she looked relaxed and content. He was glad that he was able to see this side of her. Without thinking, he took of the band of her hair which released her hair. He put the band in his pocket and sighed. He was a creep, he thought.
After a few moments Lydia woke up and looked around to see she was at the park. The day’s events were rushing in her mind and she realized she was with Nathan. She could have sworn her hair was tied back. Before Alifiya was there to distract her but now since the little girl was sleeping she was alone with Nathan. She gulped and looked to her side and saw Nathan sitting and looking at the sky. It was almost sunset. Nathan took out his phone to check his messaged. As he did that he yelped. He didn’t expect Lydia to be sitting up, what made it scarier was that her hair was all over her face. It reminded him about the ‘Grudge’.
“Lydia, wanna stop looking like Medusa? You almost gave me a heart attack”
Lydia brushed her hair away and sleepily rubbed her eyes. If only she knew what that did to Nathan.
“Sorry” Lydia apologized. Nathan reached out to brush another strand of her hair. Lydia watched him do it. If only he knew what that did to Lydia.
“Today was fun” Lydia told him. Nathan smiled and looked at her. The last rays of the sun were shining on her.
“Yeah, for you. You maDe it look so easy. She hates me” Nathan replied. Lydia laughed.
“It’s not anything personal, she said it herself her dad left them and made her mom cry. So she’s not used to having any male presence around her. Which is why she didn’t like you, cause she’s not used to it. But I think she likes you now” Lydia said. Nathan admired Lydia’s analyzing skills. She did that with the characters in the books they read in class. And she clearly did it with people too. That must’ve been why she was always quiet.
“What?” Lydia asked. She caught him staring at her. She didn’t want him to see the flaws within her.
“Look at the sunset Lydia”
They both looked and it was a beautiful sight. The sky was getting darker and the sun was leaving. Lydia glanced at Nathan. He looked at it with such interest and was amazed. He looked at her. Her face inched towards him. She felt Nathan’s breath on her lips and she couldn’t control herself to getting closer. Alifiya stirred but still kept sleeping. Since she was in between, lydia had to lean over. Nathan leaned over as well to meet her half way. Soon they crashed their lips together and Nathan’s hand went on her waist and Lydia leaned back and had her arm support her. As they let go, she blushed a deep crimson and he was out of breath.
“Not even basketball makes me this out of breath” Nathan told her. Lydia smiled.
“I like you..Alot” Lydia confessed.
“Did you think I brought over Alifiya cause I didn’t like you? I trust you and depend on you because I like you back.” Nathan stated. They both looked at each other. Before anything, Alifiya woke up and pushed the two apart. Alifiya tackled Nathan for “harassing” Lydia. As the evening continued, Nathan and Lydia walked Alifiya back home. They were all holding hands and Alifiya kept calling them lovers. Before she ran home to hug her mother whom was waiting at the doorstep, she looked back and yelled, “I hope we get to play again”.

Things Will Eventually Work Out

She walked in the class grinning. Her brown eyes were shining and she was literally bouncing while she walked, which made her black wavy hair bounce with her. He looked up from talking to his friends and couldn’t stop staring. He wanted to ask her why she was so happy. As the bell rung to indicate class had started, he took his assigned seat beside her. She looked and him and smiled at him, he didn’t notice the blush that was forming on her cheeks.
“Hey” he whispered.
She looked at him and waved. He hadn’t seen her this happy since he knew her. She always cracked jokes and talked to everyone but he noticed that she never really opened up and looked genuinely happy. Today, seeing her this happy made him feel warm inside. As class went on, it seemed like the usual. He caught glimpses of her and when she’d catch him he’d either wink at her or blow her a kiss. She’d blush and turn away sometimes she rolled her eyes. It was a normal reaction but this time he felt like this time she finally had the idea he did it to not mess with her but to show her he liked her. Of course he knew a girl like her wouldn’t like a guy like him. She was outgoing and funny. He hated falling for her. He thought of how he was last year and it wasn’t a good sight. He was on the edge and was willing to jump off. Being suicidal and alone was horrible. Living in foster home after foster home was hard for him, especially since he knew his real dad was big shot company owner in New York and gave him up for adoption because he was merely an illegitimate child. A dad that couldn’t love his son enough because of his own mistakes.
“Hey Spencer the bell rang”
He shook his head from thinking and looked up to see her standing there waiting for him.
“O-oh yeah it did..guess just having a busy day too much things to think about.” he stammered. He got up and packed up. They walked out of the class.
“Well it’s the last period so we can go home now” she told him. He watched as she waved to some people saying bye.
“So Aletta, why are you so happy?” he asked finally, when they got to their lockers.
Spencer and Aletta met after they ended up having lockers beside each other at the end of the hall where anyone barely went.
Aletta widened her eyes in shock and held her breath.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to alarm you or anything I just-” Spencer started.
“No no I was just surprised you noticed” Aletta cut him off. Spencer looked at her questioningly. His messy golden brown hair was falling in his face and Aletta wanted to brush it away and look into his grey eyes.
“You’re kind of oblivious to the world Spencer, you’re literally a nut when it comes to these things” Aletta stated.
“I notice you” Spencer whispered under his breath. Aletta didn’t catch it.
“Anyways I’m happy because…I think I’m in love” Aletta said.
Spencer stopped breathing for a moment and took it in. Aletta was in love and there was no chance it was him. Aletta started blushing and closed her locker shut. She looked at him and grinned widely. He tilted his head and looked at her trying not to sigh. She wanted to run out of there because of being embarrassed but before she left she reached for the collar of his shirt and tugged it down. He leaned in to her and she kissed his cheek. Spencer froze. Aletta smirked and left while skipping down the hallway. She just couldn’t control herself.

The next day, he came to class with a sullen expression. He sat in his seat and didn’t want to face her. He was jealous but wanted her to be happy. He was confused. Aletta walked in class after him, she noticed his depressed state and tried not to ask him why. She took her seat beside him and said, “hey”. He looked at her for a while and she couldn’t guess why. He sighed and smiled at her. Throughout class she looked at him only to see him looking straight at the teacher. It was as if he wasn’t in the world. She sighed. The bell rang and without waiting, Spencer got up and left. Aletta frowned and walked after him.
“Hey Spence, why are you so upset?” Aletta asked as she caught up with him. Spencer looked at her and shrugged. touched his arm and he pulled away. They arrived at their lockers, before Spencer could open the locker door Aletta went in front of it blocking his way.
“Aletta, leave” Spencer said.
“No”
“Aletta”
“Spencer”
“Move”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Because you need to tell me why you’re upset” Aletta replied.
“Why?” Spencer questioned. Aletta sighed. Spencer put his arms on both sides of Aletta and leaned into her. Aletta looked up at him. Spencer smirked.
“Because I care” Aletta whispered.
Spencer looked at her in surprise, he didn’t expect that. Aletta reached out and touched his cheek.
“Wanna tell me?” Aletta asked.
Spencer leaned in a bit more and Aletta’s heart hitched.
“I think I’m in love” He told her. Aletta widened her eyes.
“With who?”
Spencer looked away for a while.
“With who, Spencer?”
“With you” he answered. Aletta’s heart started beating fast and her palms started sweating. She felt like they were the only two in the world. Spencer stepped back and sighed. He had a feeling this wouldn’t turn out in his favor. She grabbed his hand and pulled him back. He followed her pursuit.
“Well I think that’s great cause I love you too” she said as she tugged his hand down and made him lean into her. He widened his eyes and raised his eyebrows. She smirked at his surprised expression.
“Well shit.”
“I know right”
Spencer grabbed her waist with his free hand and kissed her. She smiled. As they let go, she looked up at him and laughed.
“Stop being so oblivious, me liking you was so obvious” she stated.
He sighed and shrugged.
“I wonder how being your girlfriend is going to be like if you’re going to be this naive” she thought out loud.
Spencer smirked.
“It’s going to include this every chance I’ll get” he told her. She looked up, confused. He kissed her again. Their lips crashed and her hands were going through his hair. He let go and she blushed. Aletta didn’t expect this at all, every guy she had liked never liked her back. They always made her regret liking them. The last person she liked which was a year ago, had stomped all over her heart and she didn’t want to like anyone again. She didn’t want to fall for Spencer but it was impossible not to. Aletta looked at her new boyfriend and smiled. They both decided to go home together.

Idk

He told me today, “Are you having a good summer though? I hope it turns out better for you don’t lose hope” and I haven’t replied to him yet. Because no one has asked me that and I have never really wanted to think of the answer. Last summer I was on the verge of killing myself. I was tired, my home was a mess, my family was a mess, my ability to be there for my friends was a mess, I was a mess and life was just a big mess itself. Last summer, I felt alone and I felt vulnerable. I was hopeless. I wasn’t who I am now. So yes I wish I could tell him, compared to other summers this is one of my best summers. I talked to my dad every dawn for a month, it was refreshing because that was the only time he was the happiest. I finally stood up to my mom and told her I am not backing down this time. I proved to my sister that I was not worthless. I ran in the rain with my best friend and for a moment things felt okay. I lost a best friend because I didn’t do what I should have done, but at least I learned a lesson and I will try my best to fight to be her friend again, for her to trust me again. The difference is this summer I have hope and the skills to fight. I want to tell him all that but in the end I’ll probably just thank him. Not only for the words of encouragement but because sometimes it was him that got me through the worst. And he doesn’t even know it.

Liking You

Everytime I take a step closer you take a step back. Every time you come forward I stumble back. You confuse me with your direct words and joking around and I make you wait all the time. You’re weird and funny and unpredictable and a dork. You insult me and then say you were just acting. You use “Apparently” in the wrong sentence structures and one day you’ll learn how to use the word properly but for now I think I’ll just read them and laugh. “Apparently I think Snoopy is the cutest cartoon dog ever”, thats a sentence I won’t forget.You’re childish and laugh every time you can get a chance. You taught me how to let go of the bad things and take in the good. You don’t want to show the world you’re upset, you want to show them how happy you are. A few days ago you said, “Don’t be Sad, just close your eyes and enjoy the day” even though I told you I’m okay it’s just a gloomy day. You were in Wonderland that day too and I didn’t expect you to pause and send me that. I hate you for making me fall for you, but I really do like you for everything else. Summer would have been crappy if I didn’t take the chance to give you my number, if I didn’t take the risk. God you make me so happy. I hate it.

Underneath The Stars

He was oblivious to the world around him, I guess that’s why sometimes he let out a childish vibe. He was a dreamer, a star-gazer and a person that smiled at strangers so they could be happier. I don’t know when I fell for him, but I realized too late that I liked him because there was no turning back. He was off in his own world and I wanted to follow him there. Compared to him, I was a realist and it drove me crazy to always see him so relaxed and content.
“You’re late”
I sighed and sat down beside him.
“Yeah sorry, you kind of told me ten minutes ago and coming here is a fifteen minute walk” I pointed out.
He opened his eyes and grinned. I rolled my eyes. Night had fallen and we were sitting on a grassy hill at a park. Jace texted me telling me to meet him here in ten minutes. I figured he wanted to tell me one of his crazy-ass plans that would never work out. Last time he made a plan to raise a pet chicken, which was a fail because it ran away and turned up in the local butcher shop. Poor Pete, was chopped up in pieces before he could sputter a sound. I looked at him lying down on the grass. His black hair was getting longer and was slightly on his face, I tried my best not to brush it away. His pale skin was visible in the dark and I could see his brown eyes. They were light brown, it was like looking into an amber gem. Compared to him, being tan and having auburn hair made me look completely different.
Suddenly I felt his hand touch my elbow. I raised my eyebrows.
“Come on, lay down with me” he urged.
“No”
Kaitlyn he whined. He stretched my name in a childish way and pouted his lips.
“No”
“Why?”
“Why should I?”
Jace sighed in frustration. He put his arm around my middle and gently pushed me down. I lay beside him and looked at him.
“Look at the stars, you can’t ignore them tonight” he whispered. I realized how close we were and tried not to touch him. His arm was still around my waist. I tried to breathe normally and looked up.
The stars were all scattered across the night sky. They illuminated the darkness. I glanced at the full moon, it was huge and bright. It looked amazing. Don’t get me wrong, its not like I haven’t seen the stars before but it’s just tonight was different. The summer breeze was comfortable.
“It’s beautiful” I commented.
He looked at me and smiled.
“See we ignore all these things in life and never realize how great the world really is. I forgot about how the sky looked after mom passed away. We used to come here all the time” he told me.
Jace’s mother died when we were 14, in the same car accident my dad died in. We met through that coincidence and promised to attend each other’s funerals. It’s been three years since we met and even though we were really different, there was one thing we both knew each other best on, how it felt to lose a parent.
I smiled and touched his hand, Jace looked up from his thoughts. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it.
“I miss her so much”
“I miss him too”
Jace looked at me and smiled. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer. I didn’t know what he was trying to do.
“If it weren’t for you I’d probably be a depressed kid that hated the world” he confessed. I looked at him in confusion.
“See I was always a cheerful kid but when mom died my world crashed you know? Dad’s great but he’ll always love work more then family, if you didn’t hold my hand through all of this and kept me away from the ugly world I wanted to stay in I don’t think I’d be here now.” he continued. He brushed a piece of my hair put it behind my ears. I gulped.
“I love you, Kaitlyn” he said. I widened my eyes and felt my heart beat rising. Jace grinned and caressed my cheek. He kept his hand there.
“I get it if you don’t like me though, as long as you’re always here by my side I’m fine. God I’m selfish huh?”
I touched his hand that was caressing my cheek and closed my eyes.
“I love you too” I whispered.
Jace suddenly went on top of me and I opened my eyes. His eyes had a mischievous look and he smirked. I put my arms around the back of his neck.
“What are you trying to do?” I asked.
“This.” he said as he leaned in closer to me. I’ve been wanting to kiss him for so long.
He put his lips on mine and I kissed him back. His hands roamed around my waist.
The night was different alright. Because this time I was kissing him underneath the stars.