Living with Content

I was sitting in math today, simplifying worthless equations. I dreamt of flying to Paris. I imagined kissing the guy I like. I thought of things like last night’s dinner. But I didn’t feel anything for the factored solutions in front of me. We are taught throughout school that, things like math and science give us a future. We are taught that our future is what matters the most. Yes I agree it does matter a whole lot. But what also matters are the things that make you happy for the here and now. If drawing palm trees at 4 am makes you feel satisfied then do it. Don’t think for a second that being content with life is not important. It is. It will always be important. You are your first priority. Focusing all your energy on things that don’t make you feel anything is a waste of time, love. Life is so short and you have to live it. Its okay to watch horror movies alone on a Sunday night, or listening to songs that have saved you from killing yourself on repeat, or telling the person you have a crush on that you like them. We are taught that living life in a systematic way is the only way to be content but its not true. We are only truly happy when we follow our own rules and dreams.

Ringleader

We are ringleaders of our own lives. What we do and what we want is based in us. You are not allowed to control other people’s lives. You are not allowed to depend on them to exceed your expectations. But you must be able to control your life. You must be able to know that you and only you can make the choices that effect who you are and what you want. Yes hon life may be hard for you. Parents are overwhelming. Friends are hard to understand. Teachers are always pushing us off a bridge. But we must stand and be leaders. We are warriors trained to let ourselves be controlled but have the potential to lead our own lives instead. We are human beings and our lives can only be lived by us. No one can live our lives better then we can.

Growing up: Hopelessly Hoping

There are days where we feel crappy and lonely. Where not even the fastest Bollywood song can make us dance. These are the days we feel insignificant and useless. But during those days, weeks or years, you have the right to hopelessly hope for light to find its way in your life. You are a gift to this world, like it or not. You may not be loved by the ones you wish to be loved by but there will come a day someone will pick up your broken pieces and glue them back together. I promise you. Until then you have to work on loving yourself. Because you’re amazing and beautiful. And so much more then you think yourself to be. Yes things are shitty right now but you need to keep living for the sake of yourself. You deserve happiness not death or pain. So breathe in and out. Cry if you need to. Scream if you can. And keep going on with life. Because sadness and sorrow doesn’t last forever.

Liking Someone: The Liking Them Part

Their smile can warm the coldest parts of you up. Their voice is something you’d want to wake up to every morning. Their laugh makes you want laugh with them. They make you so happy. They make you feel things. They help you mend your broken heart. They make you nervous. Scared. Confused. Happy. Excited. Shocked. All at the same time. Liking someone as a crush is one of the best yet horrible experiences. Because you don’t know if you have a chance or not. One day they make you want to jump in joy and the next they make you want to rip your hair out. But you like them anyways. Its like everything they do has uncertain messages. And you don’t know what to do but go with it. People are all so beautiful and interesting. So yes getting hurt is worth it. But when you like someone its best to focus on liking them. And everything they are.

The Right of Being Angry

You have the right to feel hurt, angry, sad and alone. You have every right. You’re only human. You can’t force yourself to be fine with everything. You can cry. Kick the door. Yell at everything in your room. You are allowed to feel hurt. If he left you without any explanation and a broken heart, you have the right to tell him to fuck off. If she told you you’re getting fat when you finally started fitting in your smaller pair of jeans you have the right to eat a donut in front of her and go on with life. You’re not a doll or anyone’s prisoner. You are you and if you feel angry you are allowed to express it. Its your life and your feelings. Don’t let people and society control how you feel. Because sweetheart we all know most of the time society is a fucking bitch.

Fearing Love

I grew up watching my dad walk out on my mom every time he was angry at her. And every time, she became worried and looked for him. Today, she said she doesn’t care but she doesn’t know we can hear her cry in her bedroom. Love is an odd thing. Truly, I used to fear it. Why? Because it can either break us or make us. It can make us cry and laugh at the same time. It can make us dependent on someone with a gun pointed to our heads. What we forget, is that we shouldn’t take anything for granted. If you love her then have her believe it. If you love him, then treat him like he is special to you and make him realize you will always be there for him. Don’t make them scared or insecure. Yes, love is an odd thing. Yes it can destroy us. Make us fall apart in tiny pieces. But we have to learn how to cherish the people we love and maybe just maybe falling in love won’t be that bad. Maybe you’ll enjoy it and come out of it in one piece.

Chasing is Overrated

I used to be angry at the world. They were too. I was lost. They were too. I thought I was alone but whenever I looked back they were there for me. One thing I’ve learned is that, life is too short to be with people that don’t let you be..yourself at your finest. Life changes and you change along with it. And the friends that stay are the ones that change with you. And accept you For everything you are. Its a waste of time to be with people that bring you down and hurt you. So its fine to walk away from a friendship that isn’t working even though you’re putting so much effort into it. The best people to keep in your life are the ones you don’t always have to chase after. This post is dedicated to to some very important people in my life. That have been there for me even at my worst and has changed with me as well. I love you guys so much and I’m glad I never had to chase after you guys. You guys are my anchor.